Missed Me?

Well, it's been about a month since my last entry, and whilst I have been furiously busy for various reasons, the truth is I've had writers block. 

In my month of silence I've learnt a lot, about family, about friends, and about myself. I have taken a step back, taken off my rose tinted glasses, and looked at everyone around me with exhaustive scrutiny. If I observed them with an obscene intensity, it is nothing on the way I looked at myself. 

What I've learnt about everyone, can be filtered down into one phrase, and I MUST NOT forget it (and am therefore publishing it for sake of reference), it was told to me by a very special friend. 

"I chose to rely on me, then only I can let me down." 

In a society where those who live lives of corruption, selfishness and self-obsession get the furthest, it leaves the few trying their best to be the best for others in a jealous yet self righteous limbo. I've been in this limbo, you have been in this limbo- where did you go? Did you give in to the call of the morally questionable, but fabulously successful dark-side? Or are you still clinging on to your innocent beliefs that the good will prevail, that hard work pays off, and that good things come to those who wait?

I've been in limbo- everyday I lean closer to one, and last night I fell out of limbo and dropped into the world of corruption- all that glitters here, is for you to take- come and join me. 

Live by rules like "Loyalty is Everything", just remember that those who stand by that saying with the most intensity are only really loyal to themselves. 

Make sure you speak ill of those who have done nothing but supported your every venture, who needs friends when you are on your way up- (God may be a helpful additive as you pray nightly that you don't peak and fall, alone.) 

Love your family, but don't like them- they will alone stand above you, telling you that what you are doing is wrong, pushing their beliefs onto you. They are living wrong too, but as the saying goes- "Do As I Say, Not As I Do".

Claim to love ferociously, but in fact manipulate silently- this is a key point- only fools love, and its those fools we can use as a stairwell to where we want to be. 

Oh, and lie. Lie not to protect yourself, but to protect the few you do love- if you let them see you for who you really are you will lose the small amount that is genuinely dear to you. 

Some of my friends will read this and send me messages of congratulations, calls of- "welcome to the real world"- and all the while, as they celebrate my fall from grace, I will remember, wistfully what it was to be innocent, and good.